Monday, December 22, 2008

Hayes' Best Friend Ice Skates

I went to see a friends' daughter at her ice skating recital. What an amazing performance. Seriously, this 6 year old is amazing. What was even more amazing was that I made it through that performance. I was filled with anxiety about going. This talented girl was born just 2 weeks before Hayes. Her mother and I were pregnant together and had dreams of sharing experiences with our children. 

I was so proud of her. Yet I could not help but think of Hayes the entire time- wishing I were watching him do his thing, whatever that may be. While being proud of this little girl, I was also proud of Hayes for giving me the strength to be there. I cried so hard as she was finishing her performance. I missed him so much. But it felt good. I felt as though I had embraced that fear and that I now can work with it. It may take more time and practice, but I know more about how it feels. I did it. I went to that performance. 

When you are ready, you will know. No need to rush. Your friends will understand. And sometimes, you have to be brave and just do it. You can always make sure that you have an escape if you need it. It is ok to cry, to escape and it is ok if you don't. Just be in the moment.